Hello World: About HomoSapienV2
I can’t believe I’m starting a blog about my journey to better health on a day that I totally crashed and burned on my diet….err lifestyle.
Allow myself to introduce…myself.
I am a 31 year old soon to be divorcee who has decided that I’ve been lazy and lackadaisically about my nutrition and fitness for long enough… too long actually.
I initially started what I like to refer to as “The Divorce Diet” in February. You see, marriage, especially an unhappy one, put a little weight on me… well a lot of weight actually. In 2005, I lived in Las Vegas and weighed in at a happy 151lbs. At my wedding in January of 2009, I was a whopping 182lbs. I was, literally, stuffed into my dress like a chorizo. I couldn’t breathe, could barely eat, and sat like I had a rod in my spine. My boobs were falling out of my dress because they had nowhere else to go. It was bad.
How did I gain 30lbs in 3 years?! Well, my life went from on my feet for eight to ten hours a day, to sitting for six hours and mostly being on my feet another two, to sitting in front of a computer for eight hours straight. Add in a fiancé who was himself obese and came from an obese family. I started eating like him, with him, bad choices and huge portions and there’s your 30lbs.
A year into the marriage, after six months of infertility and deciding that it was due to weight issues (his, not mine) I bought a snazzy new Bowflex for “both of us” (really for him). I still could not admit that while I knew I was fat (because family and the mirror told me so) I wasn’t a total lard ass…yet. I also managed to convince myself that if He would lose weight by becoming a better eater and exerciser, then my weight would follow (sorta by osmosis?)
Fast forward six months. I began training for a half marathon and was being pretty good about it. My long run was about 7 miles and I was addicted to my “Runner’s World” but knee, hip, and foot issues sidelined that effort. The Bowflex had been used maybe ten times and I was still eating fast food three to four nights a week. I didn’t know what he was eating because he now worked nights and also because I didn’t particularly care (At this point, the marriage was all but over). Top that with anti-depressants, due to my feelings of being trapped and resentment towards my husband, and I was weighing in at about 175lbs.
By November, I had had enough. I released all the issues that I felt were tying me into a relationship I didn’t want to be in (oh guilt) and moved back home. Even though you’re not supposed to, I stopped the Cymbalta cold turkey. I cut the fast food back to maybe once a week. I finally started feeling better, emotionally anyway. I could now admit, though, that I was, in fact, a lardo.
I had to get back to the gym. I remember Yelping local gyms and was led to the local Crossfit affiliate’s website. I was a little freaked out by the description of CF so kept searching. I think it was the combination of my massage therapist and a cute guy talking about CF that caused me to give another look. I went for my “free assessment” (read: torture session) and though I hurled three times when I got home, I was in LOVE. Maybe the puking is what did it. At least I felt like I had pushed myself enough and as a former gym monkey, I knew the workout was quality.
Any CrossFitter will tell you that Paleo/Primal diets are a hot topic at his or her local “Box” (read: CF gym). I am also the type of person (read: Type A) who has to know everything about whatever I’m into at the moment. My research led to me The Primal Blueprint by Mark Sisson and his website Mark’ s Daily Apple. I devoured the information on his site like a fiend. From there, I was led to many more wonderful websites: Primal Parent and Cave Girl Eats , to name a few.
The information on these sites was amazing. I immediately began trying to implement the Primal diet. One teeny tiny problem…I have Zero willpower…always. It was fine when I was 20 and could eat whatever, not workout, and still look good. But hello 30. Life doesn’t work like that anymore and though I’ve trained myself to eat what I like and not work out, I am now having to reprogram my mind to stick to a lifestyle that is healthy.
Therein lays the crux of this blog. I can read blog after Primal blog filled with amazing and inspiring stories of healing and thriving and be totally committed to this new lifestyle…in that moment. It’s the implementation of said brand new life that is my problem. I know that I am going to have to fight tooth and nail to stick with “the program”, this path that I’ve chosen for myself.
Maybe, you will continue to read because you too are having a difficult time with your transition. Yay! We can commiserate…err, find success together. Maybe, you will just come by every once in awhile to chuckle at me when I fall flat on my face. Really, I don’t mind. You will probably be laughing with me… maybe.
So back to crashing and burning (wow, you’ve come further than I thought you would). The day started with a delicious protein shake and a shot of good ole creatine (I’m all about building mass) aaaaand quickly deteriorated from there. I had a work meeting at our corporate office and low and behold there was a fruit tray which I tried to zone in on. I made it 45 minutes into the meeting when the cheese Danish started whispering to me from across the room. My willpower, conveniently, took a hiatus and I relented. Danish devoured quickly devolved into half a blueberry muffin and a croissant with cream cheese down the hatch. They say “go big or go home” and I went for it 110%. The difference though from today and the past is that I’m not really beating myself up over it. That’s the one thing I’ve found on the Road to Homosapien Version 2: if I fall off the wagon (or in this case, dive off headfirst), I now treat it as a stumble and not a fall. I recovered with chicken soup for lunch and have stuck to my green and white teas all day. No high fructose corn syrup fruit juice or sodas for me.
And so I guess this isn’t such a bad day to start a blog, it’s actually the best day as now you know what you’re dealing with! I’m not ever going to be perfect with this lifestyle but by golly, at least I’m going to try!